WHAT MEMORIAL DAY MEANS TO A VETERAN AND THEIR MENTAL HEALTH
Military Veteran Mental Health
What You Need To Know About Memorial Day
Most of us are aware that holidays can be particularly challenging for people who have lost loved ones. It is not uncommon to check in on those you care about during holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and other significant dates to see how they are doing and if they need anything. Holidays or even a significant date can often be a triggering event for those that have experienced trauma, causing flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and/or other signs of potential PTSD. The holiday or anniversary date itself might not be directly tied to a traumatic event but instead can have similar cues for a person who has experienced trauma to then be triggered. This phenomenon is called the “anniversary effect.” The anniversary effect is when a person experiences disturbing thoughts, feelings, or memories that are cued by a specific date or anniversary.
What does Memorial Day mean for a veteran?
As Memorial Day approaches, it is important to put Memorial Day into context of the “anniversary effect” for the Veteran community. Before we get into what Memorial Day commemorates, let's discuss Veterans Day and how it differs from Memorial Day. On Veterans Day, which honors those who have served - whether alive or deceased, Veterans experience recognition and validation for their service. Families and loved ones will thank their Veterans for their service and sacrifice. The larger community welcomes Veterans to partake in free meals, attend barbecues, or a myriad of other things.
Memorial Day, on the other hand, is a much more somber day in which those who are deceased are honored for their ultimate sacrifice. But what does this mean for a Veteran and how is this tied into the anniversary effect? Most, if not all, Veterans have lost a fellow Veteran. This could be during armed conflicts, or due to suicide or natural causes. By linking the anniversary effect and Memorial Day, the hope is that people will think of Memorial Day like they would think of other holidays for a person who has suffered a loss. After the parades and celebrations on Memorial Day, a Veteran is left with the fact that they are alive, and their fellow Veteran is not. The guilt felt by those that are alive is commonly referred to as survivors guilt. Survivors' guilt occurs in people that survive a life threatening situation that results in death or serious injury of another. Survivors' guilt is unique in that it can combine elements of shame and guilt. Guilt for having survived while it could have easily been them that did not survive the event. Shame arises in the survivor because they question whether they could have acted or that their actions to help the deceased was not enough. The guilt and shame can lead to a Veteran to be angry, numb,or staying stuck replaying the event in the mind hoping for a different outcome.
How Can You help?
What we can do as their support system is to, at a minimum, check in with a Veteran. Go see them in person and just check in, FaceTime or call them. Ideally, avoid texts, posts, or emails because it is easy for a Veteran to dismiss these methods and give a generic response. By seeing the Veteran face to face, you will be better able to show them that you are really there for them, and are willing to be there with them during a day like Memorial Day.
It can be scary to reach out to someone and let them know that you’re here for them because you may think, “What if the Veteran tells me something I am not equipped to handle?” or think, “I am not trained for this.” Here are a few ways to prepare before you reach out. An easy thing to remember is the number 988. This number will connect you immediately with people trained to handle a crisis. If you want to assuage your fears before meeting the Veteran, all you have to do is a quick search online and you will find many Veteran resources available. There are emergency services, community resources, and VA resources. You can also go above and beyond by researching mental health providers in your area that are better equipped to handle a Veteran’s needs. Some key things to look for in Veteran support: seek out a Veteran Therapist or a Therapist who is familiar with Military culture, look for a practice or clinic with Trauma Specialists on staff, and Therapists who specialize in certain types of treatment, like EMDR. If the Veteran agrees to seek help, that is the time when you can truly be of assistance by following up with them, or even taking the Veteran to their first appointment. You never know when reaching out may make the defining difference for a Veteran.
Written by SOUL SPACE TEAM MEMBER, Harry Joiser, LPC
Read Harry’s Bio & Schedule a 15-minute consultation HERE